I’m tired 

An exhaustion so complete it starts at my fingernails and oozes through my bone marrow. I’m tired. Sick and tired of the pain, the drugs, the nausea that sometimes hovers around the edges and sometimes surges insistently to the fore. I’m tired. A kind of tired I’ve never been before: like the fatigue from all these years of illness suddenly accumulated and animated into a steam roller, which is slowly flattening me. I’m tired. The kind of tired that doesn’t go away when I sleep, that gnaws at the edges of my consciousness — oppressive, unremitting. I’m tired. 

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3 thoughts on “I’m tired 

  1. Thank you so much for sharing what you are going through. You get more out of each minute of life than most people I know. My heart aches for you, for Mike, your family and friends. I hope you find a minute, an hour, a day’s relief.

  2. Naomi – I am grateful to you for so much. Way back, in the ‘glory days’ of Big Fun, I appreciated your energy, dedication, honesty and expertise. I remember your excitement of the “moving on,” as you were going into your non-profit organization work. Sitting down with you after your initial diagnosis and listening to your thoughts and hopes and fears about what might be waiting on the journey ahead of you enlarged my understanding of how one faces a crisis. Now, through your blog, my life is enriched by your presence in the world. You teach me how to more fully be a human. You show by example what courage looks like. Your willingness (hard fought it seems, at times) to let go when that’s the best option and to fight harder when that’s appropriate — and your honesty about the challenges of knowing the difference – have profoundly affected me in my every day choices. Lastly, you have helped me to appreciate the importance of this moment – this one right here, as it unfolds and regardless of what it contains – by showing how it’s done and by writing about your process and your experiences with such delicate sensibility and brilliant specificity. I don’t know your family and close friends, but I feel as if I do and hold you all in my heart each day, consciously, and keep you in my prayers. Sending so much love. May this day be peaceful.

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